pages 65-67Week 4 questions 9
How has this impact of those rooms affected your identity ?
You know what , I will have to say that I still see myself acting out of a room of hidden-ness.
I am braver now to be myself, but mostly I am braver to be open about my Love for God.
This could be because I have been trying to go along the best I can without any other pilgrims committed to going this journey too.
I don't have a group. Not this kind of group.
I attend a support group, (just recently found by the way) of women whose aim is to allow the Holy Spirit reveal to them that God really does love them.
Is it possible to be coming out of one room into the other ?
I know that eventually I will be able to show my true face to others. I will feel safe and protected. I will be able to view others as saints that still sin. I will feel honored when others let me in on their struggles and pain. I will want to protect and help others. I will feel God right here, maturing us. (Emphasis on "us" [mine] ) This is from the room of authenticity.
I still am aware of experiencing these other feelings found in the room of hidden-ness. Only all of these things are less. As though they are being slowly erased from my life with a slow pencil eraser. Lighter and lighter they become, some so light now that I can't remember the last time I reacted like that, but I remember that I did.
Saw others through a grid of shame, blame, and anger
Competed with others
Felt condemned and unacceptable
Hid my real face from others
felt guardedness and deceit
saw others as sinners trying to be saintly
felt embarrassed or helpless when others shared their struggles and pain with me
wanted others to fix their flaws themselves, or else get professional help
felt we were performing our way to God
felt fear prompted by the words, "What if they knew?"


Describe a time when you found grace in a person or in a group that allowed you to shed your mask and be authentic about who and what you really were.

There are some persons that God has graciously allowed to come into my life. When I am real , and the real me is not always nice, (are you shocked ?) they are able to look at me as a saint that still sins.
I am anxious to be able to be that kind of a person back to the whole world.
However, I do not know that they can achieve this grace giving to everyone. Probably not.
Back when about the only place I could allow myself to go beside church and work was the library. The librarian just seemed always glad to see me. I don't know how that happened. Surely she thought I was someone else and was making a mistake. Anyway I always enjoyed the patient way she helped me with my questions and I thought she was a saint. Then one day a young teenage boy did something not quite the way she thought he should. She was not kind about the way she let him know about the rules of the library. I guess she could give grace to me , but not to the teenage boy. Maybe that is how it is with everyone, but those working towards true sainthood try to make that circle of people we can give grace to , larger all the time.